Three Thoughts and Experiences

1)      Unfortunately, we see some ‘helicopter parenting’ (hovering) in the mission field, too, and it reminds me how important it is to let (make?) children solve their own problems from as early as possible! In one case, a sister was put in a threesome when she first got here, and within the first week her mother wrote an email to the president asking him to change things immediately because “she has always done better in small groups rather than large, and one of the other sisters is controlling/bossy’ (my words).  (The president did not make a change, and that situation solved itself in a week or two later when unfortunately, one of the threesome had to go home for medical reasons. Don’t know if it was the ‘bossy’ one…)  Several weeks later we got another note from the mother, asking us to make her daughter the designated driver, complete with an attachment listing unsafe situations the senior companion driver had put them in, and noting that the junior companion’s requests to get driver certified had been ‘ignored’. (In reality, her area is two hours from the mission home, and rather than spend most of a day for a special trip to the office, her companion was waiting until the next time they needed to come in for another reason.) Most of the items listed on the list of driving infractions sounded a lot like normal NYC driving.  I called the companion who had returned home, to get her unbiased opinion on the issue, and after investigating and consulting with the mission president, we did decide to make a driver change, since it would give the new sister an opportunity to learn to drive here, and hopefully resolve the perceived safety issues.  I had a good private talk with the senior companion to try and head off the relationship issues, and told her to act like it was her idea, but I suspect the strain will still be there.  (I really was proud of her for her willingness to do whatever was needed!) The bottom line is that all these issues could have been worked out by the sister herself, and the solutions would have helped her grow and probably would have been better solutions without mom’s help.  (Plus the fact that this method of working personal issues is now further enabled in the mission field.)  I hope the young sister can overcome it, and get the growth and independence she needs!!  We’ll see…

2)      On Memorial Day, we went to the last 2 hours of our branch activity.  It lasted from noon-4PM, in the parking lot of the church. Most of the food was pretty well picked over by the time we got there (and had been sitting out in the sun for an hour or more), but we had plenty (and didn’t get sick).  I played soccer keep-away with a circle of young men (in my dress shoes, white shirt and tie) for 45 minutes or so and got all hot and sweaty!  The women danced to loud salsa and Latin pop music for well over an hour (some more like two hours; Diane and I commented to each other that in Kent someone would have called the police pretty quickly because of the noise—either New Yorkers are more tolerant, or more used to noise…), and Diane did me proud!  Her knee and feet kept her from dancing as long as she would have liked, but I believe she was the only gringo woman dancing and she still has a great sense of rhythm.  I was proud of her!  They (the branch) really do enjoy each other’s company, and it’s a great lesson to learn from them.  In our home ward, we have many close friends and acquaintances, and we love to be with them, but we tend to rush off after an hour or so to do something else. 

Then we went home and had a BBQ with the senior couples and sister for FHE. I cooked the hamburgers, and they turned out OK, given using a grill for the first time and discovering its characteristics.  We really enjoy sitting around and chatting with the other senior missionaries—so many shared and unique life experiences, and great but vastly different personalities and skill sets (lawyer, janitor, several teachers, nurse, programmer, lifetime church welfare department employee, engineer, etc.)!  The only things that limit how long we sit and chat are comfort (you can only sit so long on folding chairs) and some couples’ commute time home on the subway.  The Palmers live in Brooklyn (45 minute ride SW) and several of the other couples live the same distance east on Long Island. We feel lucky to live just around the corner!  In fact, one of the greatest things about our mission for me is our daily commute—less than 100 steps from our door to the office or Sister Peterson’s house!!  (I really disliked that 100 mile round-trip commute to Everett the last six years of my career at Boeing!)

3)      I’m on a plane now, flying from Palm Springs to NYC, and I'm finding that even the sad experiences on a mission are inspiring! The mission president asked me yesterday to accompany a missionary home, so he would not be alone at any time.  He had to go home early due to some emotional issues (depression I assume—I wasn’t told due to confidentiality).  Turned out there were three elders going home early (which is sad), and we all flew together to Denver before separating to their various destinations.  None of them knew why any of the others were going, but I loved to see them interact and hear their determination to return to the mission field!!  Believe me, there were some long, emotional hugs when we all separated, and I got to be part of it just because I was there! What a blessing!  All I could do in private moments with each of them is remind them how much they are loved, and that mortality often doesn’t go the way we envision it, and advise them to become anxiously engaged immediately and don’t waste time waiting until (… whatever) to get going on what needs to be done.  (When I was bishop, I saw too many YSA’s wasting valuable years waiting until … to get going!!)  In spite of the inspiration I felt, it turned out to be a long couple of days:  Left NYC at 3PM Monday, sat on the runway in Denver for 90 minutes waiting out a thunderstorm, got to Palm Springs at 10 PM (where the elder’s family was waiting with signs and a celebration), got to hotel and bed about 11PM, then up at 4AM to catch the 6AM flight home.  (My eyes feel like ‘burnt holes in a blanket’ as Louis L’Amour would say, but it’s all worth it to serve the Lord in whatever way is needed!) I’ll be picked up at LaGuardia at 4PM, fight the rush hour traffic back to the office, and probably sleep very well tonight!  I love the Lord, and love this work!!  I wish everyone could experience it like we are.  It's different than I though it would be, but it's way better than I thought it would be!